"And how was it, madam?"

In my latest adventure, I decided to treat Stephanie to a back massage before she left India as a way of saying thanks for all the help she's given me in settling in. I found a shop called "What Women Want", or "W3", and it seemed clean enough, with reasonable prices, so I made reservations for 2 back massages.

From this experience, I learned two things:
1) A good businessperson never makes a good masseuse.
2) In India, when they say "full body massage," they really mean "full body massage."
Let me explain.

The woman that I made reservations with spoke good English, and seemed professional and businesslike. I liked her right away, because you don't meet many people like that in Varanasi. She was also wearing jeans, which means she is modern and liberal. I think she was the owner of the shop.

When we arrived for our appointment, we were shown to a tiny room upstairs with 2 small beds, but only one masseuse. I was confused. I thought to myself, "I hope this one lady doesn't just walk back and forth between us." But then, suddenly, who should appear but the owner from downstairs? "Lay down please, madam," she said.

Because of her aforementioned professional, businesslike nature, she convinced us that we should have full body massages. It would only cost a little bit extra, and it was worth the value. Okay, whatever.

The lady then proceeded to rub my back with oil for a while, and roll a very squeaky massage instrument up and down my body. She asked if she could take my underwear off, but I graciously declined. I was trying very hard not to laugh the whole time, which probably just left me with a creepy smile pasted across my face.

I don't think that this woman was formally trained in the arts of massage, because she only used her thumbs once during the 45 minutes. Mostly she just moved her oily palms all over me. Imagine my surprise when she asked me to roll over, and then proceeded to palm my bare chest for a while. Just when I thought the massage couldn't get any more awkward, it did.

I never thought that a touch could be so impersonal, so perfunctory. At the end of the massage, she said to me, "How was it, madam? Did you like it?" I wasn't sure how to respond. "Oh, yes. Very nice," I mumbled.

As we walked out, Stephanie asked me if I felt like I had just paid someone to molest me.

Total Eclipse of the Heart

This morning, there was a solar eclipse around 6 am. Have you ever seen a solar eclipse? I doubt it. This was my first.

I took a boat out on the Ganges with some friends for the best viewing experience possible. Solar eclipses are considered very auspicious events, so there were lakhs (Indian word for 10,000) of people who came out from all over to see it and bathe and pray and whatever else they felt like doing. The shores were crowded with Indians and foreigners alike. Because Varanasi is such a holy city, tourists from other parts of India came here to watch the eclipse.

I took loads of pictures, but I can't upload them now because I'm using an internet cafe. Unfortunately, my computer is still broken, and now Pierre's is too.

All I can say about that eclipse is that I completely understand why everyone thought the world was ending when they saw them a long time ago. They look very eerie, and everything just goes dark suddenly in the middle of the day.

You're not supposed to look at the sun during a solar eclipse (something about the darkness tricking your eyes so that your pupils contract, leaving your corneas unprotected), but I just couldn't resist, and now I'm afraid I'll go blind someday. I kept sneaking peeks and then looking away very quickly. Pray for the the quality of my vision, alright?

Pierre's Palace

Here in Varanasi, I live in a fancy apartment with an older Dutch man named Pierre. Pierre's interests include classical Hindustani music, interior design, and the color green.

We have marble floors, a glass table, and an air conditioner (which works when the power is on). The apartment isn't really finished yet, so there isn't any furniture other than the table, but that's okay. I've been sleeping on a foam mat on the floor in the main room because that's where the air conditioner is.

Other amenities include a water filter, a gas hookup and burner, a detached shower head, and a Western-style toilet. Amen.

Brains and chains and watch parts.

I just looked through my friend Laura's Etsy shop, and I was so impressed that I had to post about it because I think lots of people should want to buy her stuff. She sells mostly jewelry, along with some original paintings and drawings, and they're all super awesome.

http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=5977619

She uses a wide variety of materials, including antique watch parts, old hardware, old keys, and fishing tackle. My favorite items are the screw earrings and the Flygradd necklace (which has a real dead fly in a vial on it!). Additionally, she's a really talented photographer and a clever writer, so the pictures and descriptions are a joy to view.

Laura, I'm so proud of you.

Step 1.

Today, The Supreme Court in India ruled to overturn a ban on gay sex. Sweet.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/03/world/asia/03india.html?_r=5&hp

There's so much more to do, but this is a great first step.

Well, it's July. My goal was not to get sick at all until July. Aside from a cold, I thought I was in the clear, but then I got food poisoning. On June 30. Stephanie says that India is trying to tell me I am not the boss.