That inPhamous post

Amidst the recent flurry of emotion and controversy at Wellesley, I intercepted the following e-mail from the Honor Code Council and the Wellesley administration, sent to a certain special somone.* (For those of you who don't go to Wellesley, or would just like to read a nice summary of the whole situation, see here -- it's funny, concise, and contains direct quotes.)

"Dear Jeremy Pham:

It has come to our attention that you have written an expletive-laden commentary displaying sincere disrespect for the members of our community and women at large. We are disappointed that you hold such opinions and at the way in which you chose to express them. Wellesley College has a long and proud history of feminism and women’s solidarity. As such, we cannot simply ignore your actions. Obviously, recourse is necessary, and we have debated long and hard about an appropriate punishment for you.

Hence, please put a dick in your mouth straightaway. If you cannot find such an appendage (we know it's hard on this campus), we can provide one or link you up with someone who can. You have until Tuesday, December 1, 2009 to complete your punishment. Please fill out the attached form and have the possessor of your mouth-dick sign it.

Sincerely,
The Powers That Be"


*This is a lie.

Amelia's Guide to Living Cheaply in London

1. Attend every meal served in your hall, even if this means getting up at 8:30 every morning. You might lose out on sleep, but you’ll get a free breakfast (even better – a breakfast you’ve already paid for!).
2. Don’t eat lunch. Lunch is not a meal served in your hall. Save some fruit from breakfast and eat that. If you feel hungry in the middle of the day, just sleep it off. I promise it works.
3. Go to Borough Market at 5 pm on the weekend, just as it’s closing. Collect the jars of jam that have been sitting out all day as samples. There will only be a small amount in each jar, but that’s okay. If you have really low standards, you can mix them all together.
4. Drinking is expensive. Sobriety is cheap. Do you really need a drink?
5. Start going to lots of museums just because they’re free. It doesn’t matter if you’ve never even liked art before. It doesn’t.
6. If you sit in the Tuns for a couple of hours beforehand, you can get into any party in the LSE Quad without paying the cover. (Note: This will only be useful until you realize that you never want to go to any party in the LSE Quad.)
7. Accept that printing your readings for classes is no longer an option, even if it helps you retain information better to highlight things. Develop the skill of squinting at a screen in the library and scribbling the main ideas in your notebook.
8. Stop using public transportation. You can walk anywhere in central London. If your destination is outside Zone 1, walk to Zone 2 and take the tube from there. It’s cheaper. If it’s late at night, walk confidently. The foxes will run from you, and they’re probably not rabid.
9. Consider becoming a freegan. Think about dumpster diving. Think about what happens to all of those sandwiches every night when the cafés close.
10. If you top up 10 pounds a month on your mobile phone, you get unlimited text messaging. Never call anyone again. Ever. If you miss a call from someone, just wait until they call you back.
11. Attend any event that advertises free drinks, free food, or free anything. When you see the LSE Christian Society’s stall on Houghton Street, go up to it and pretend to be interested in their message so that they will give you a free cup of tea.
12. Lend people small amounts of money. When they pay you back, it will feel like you just got a gift.
13. If you live in intercollegiate halls, it costs money to have an overnight guest. Limit yourself to having sex between the hours of 6 am and 12 midnight. Or, just limit yourself to having sex with people who live in your hall.
14. Finally, and most importantly, remember that it’s all about how you feel, not about numbers or a weekly budget. If you don’t feel deprived, hungry, or unhappy, you’re probably spending too much money.